Despite a war that's closed a major global shipping lane, sent oil prices spiking, and is now well past the 'two weeks' mark by roughly a month and a half, this week's jobs report came in stronger than expected. Hiring is up. Unemployment is steady. By every traditional metric, the economy is fine. Great, even. Thriving.
Meanwhile, the U.S. launched a new naval mission specifically to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, which a foreign government had simply closed, the way you might close a door. The Supreme Court also temporarily restored nationwide access to a medication abortion pill, which is the kind of sentence that used to be a headline on its own and is now wedged between a jobs report and a shipping lane update.
In labor news, workers across the country participated in a 'No School, No Work, No Shopping' demonstration this week — a one-day economic boycott that, notably, did not appear to affect the jobs numbers at all, which tells you something about which numbers actually get measured.
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A small chart, going gently upward, regardless of context. The numbers are fine. Everything else is a separate conversation.
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The Fake News Desk
AREA WOMAN'S '5-MINUTE TASK' BEFORE BED TAKES 47 MINUTES, ENDS WITH REORGANIZED PANTRY
Omaha resident Linda Pruett, 52, set out at 10:14pm to 'just quickly put away the clean dishes' before bed. By 11:01pm, she had reorganized her entire spice cabinet alphabetically, discovered three expired sauces, and texted her sister a photo captioned 'you won't believe what I found behind the rice.'
'I don't know what happened,' Pruett told reporters. 'I opened the cabinet to put away the colander and then I just... kept going. There was a system in there that hadn't been touched since 2019. I had to fix it. I HAD to.'
Pruett's husband, reached for comment from the couch, said he 'heard some noises' around 10:30 but 'assumed it was fine' and continued watching television. He confirmed he did not investigate.
Pruett went to bed at 11:14pm, one hour after her original task, and reported feeling 'strangely at peace' despite having to be awake in six hours.
