"Figment of Masturbation" Unisex Garment-Dyed Tee
Black / S
$30.99
Sale price
$30.99
Regular price
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You live in reality — or at least you think you do. This shirt is for the person who's done pretending to be anyone's fantasy and isn't afraid to say it out loud, in bold type, on their chest.The design hits hard in blue and gold block letters: "I'M JUST A FIGMENT OF YOUR MASTURBATION" — a deadpan twist on the classic "figment of your imagination" that turns self-deprecation into a power move. It's the perfect shutdown for anyone who's ever been put on a pedestal by someone who clearly had no idea who they were actually dealing with. Equal parts witty and ruthless, this graphic delivers the message before you even open your mouth.Why customers love it:The wordplay hits on two levels — innocent enough to make people do a double-take, filthy enough to make them laugh out loudBold two-color typography in blue and gold makes it impossible to ignore across a roomIt doubles as a polite rejection and a personality statement simultaneouslyPerfect conversation starter — or ender, depending on the crowdThe kind of shirt that tells people exactly who they're dealing with before you say a wordPerfect for: exes who can't let go • people who hate being idealized • adult humor gift giving • anyone with zero patience for delusionReality check delivered. You're welcome.
"Figment of Masturbation" Unisex Garment-Dyed Tee
$30.99
Sale price
$30.99
Regular price
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 18.25 | 20.25 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 27.75 | 29.75 |
| Length, in | 26.62 | 28.00 | 29.37 | 30.75 | 31.62 | 32.50 | 33.50 |
| Sleeve length from center back, in | 16.25 | 17.75 | 19.00 | 20.50 | 21.75 | 23.25 | 24.63 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
The fabric: Comfort Colors 1717 — 100% ring-spun cotton, garment-dyed for a soft, lived-in feel that gets better with every wash. Relaxed unisex fit. Available in sizes S–4XL.