"Escorts" Unisex Garment-Dyed Tee
Red / S
$30.99
Sale price
$30.99
Regular price
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Some guys do the math and realize the traditional route comes with a mortgage, a minivan, and a lifetime of 'we need to talk.' This design is for the man who prefers his arrangements transparent, his exits clean, and his accountant unbothered. Bold, blunt, and completely unapologetic — just the way you like it.
The design hits hard with the word ESCORTS blazing across the top in commanding serif type, followed by the knockout tagline: Cheaper Than a Wife and You Get Some. It's the kind of financial logic they don't teach in business school but absolutely should. Dark humor, zero filter, maximum personality — this is a statement piece in every sense of the phrase.
Why people love it:
Zero Subtlety: This design walks into the room first and introduces itself — no one misses the message.
Bachelor Wisdom: It weaponizes the logic of a man who has done the cost-benefit analysis and come out ahead.
Serif Power: The bold, classical typeface gives the joke a deadpan gravitas that makes it hit even harder.
Conversation Starter: Expect stares, double-takes, and at least three strangers buying you a drink.
Unapologetic Energy: Built for the guy who stopped caring what anyone thinks approximately one divorce ago.
Perfect for: bachelor parties • divorce parties • guy's night out • anyone who appreciates brutally honest math Because nothing says 'I've run the numbers' quite like putting it on display for the whole world to see.
"Escorts" Unisex Garment-Dyed Tee
$30.99
Sale price
$30.99
Regular price
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 18.25 | 20.25 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 27.75 | 29.75 |
| Length, in | 26.62 | 28.00 | 29.37 | 30.75 | 31.62 | 32.50 | 33.50 |
| Sleeve length from center back, in | 16.25 | 17.75 | 19.00 | 20.50 | 21.75 | 23.25 | 24.63 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
The fabric: Comfort Colors 1717 — 100% ring-spun cotton, garment-dyed for a soft, lived-in feel that gets better with every wash. Relaxed unisex fit. Available in sizes S–4XL.