Issue No. 9 - Tuesday, June 9, 2026

II  ·  On Long Meetings
You Were 'Listening' During the Last Twenty Minutes of That Call
I Was Listening (Technically) T-Shirt
"I Was Listening (Technically)"
For every video call where your camera was on, your name was visible, and your brain had quietly logged off forty minutes ago.
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Every long video call has a stretch — usually the last fifteen to twenty minutes — where your camera is on, your name is visible in the grid, and your actual attention has quietly left the building. You nod at appropriate intervals. You say 'sounds good' when prompted. Nobody knows. Everybody knows.
III  ·  On Long Car Rides
Someone Fell Asleep Mid-Sentence and Finished the Sentence Anyway
Still Awake, Probably T-Shirt
"Still Awake, Probably"
For the long car ride, the late meeting, and the family dinner where someone's head dropped and they immediately said 'no I'm listening.'
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On every long car ride, there is a moment where someone's voice trails off mid-sentence, their head dips, and three seconds later they finish the sentence as if nothing happened. This is not sleep. This is a brief, unscheduled system reboot, and everyone in the car has agreed not to mention it.

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO MAKE UP

LOCAL MAN INSISTS HE WASN'T ASLEEP DURING MOVIE, COULD NOT NAME A SINGLE CHARACTER

Tucson resident Brian Halloway, 36, maintained throughout the credits of Saturday's family movie night that he 'saw the whole thing' and was 'just resting his eyes during the loud parts,' despite being unable to name any of the film's characters, describe the plot, or confirm whether the dog survived.

'I caught the beginning and the end,' Halloway said. 'That's basically the whole movie. The middle is just, like, connective tissue.' When asked what happened in the middle, Halloway described 'a guy, doing stuff, and then probably a twist,' which his wife confirmed was 'not what happened, but an impressively confident guess.'

Halloway has requested the movie be 'put on the list' to rewatch, a list his wife says now contains eleven movies he has technically already seen.

I Saw the Whole Thing (Beginning and End) T-Shirt
“I Saw the Whole Thing (Beginning and End)”
For everyone who has ever woken up during the credits and called it a complete viewing experience.
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NAPTIME20
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