Issue No. 8 - June 2, 2026

June 2, 2026

The Lead Story

The President Threatened to “Blow Up” Oman This Week, a Country That, As Far As We Can Tell, Did Nothing

In the midst of ongoing tensions over the Iran ceasefire, President Trump reportedly threatened to “blow up” Oman — a country whose primary role in this entire saga has been hosting peace talks. Oman has spent the last several months being the venue. The conference room. The place with the good chairs and the bottled water. And now, apparently, a target.

For context: Oman did not declare war on anyone. Oman did not seize a cargo ship. Oman, as best we can determine, has spent 2026 quietly trying to get other countries to stop fighting, in its own house, using its own coffee service. If diplomacy had a Yelp page, Oman would have five stars and a note that says “lovely venue, terrible guests.”

This is the geopolitical equivalent of getting kicked out of a restaurant for a fight you started, then threatening to burn down the restaurant on your way out, because the manager asked you both to please calm down.

Also this week: U.S. inflation hit 3.8%, its highest rate since 2023. The Pentagon awarded Dell a nearly $10 billion contract shortly after President Trump purchased Dell shares. And a Blue Origin rocket exploded, which is just objectively a bad week for a company whose entire pitch is “the rocket does not explode.”

Headline Thread

NICE VENUE,
TERRIBLE GUESTS

Shop this design → attitudeshirts.com Nice Venue, Terrible Guests T-Shirt

For every host, mediator, designated driver, and group chat admin who has ever just been trying to keep the peace and gotten yelled at for it anyway.

Unsolicited Opinions

Three things that needed to be said. You’re welcome.

I · On Hosting

You Hosted Thanksgiving and Somehow Got Blamed for the Argument

“I Just Host Here”

For anyone who provided the venue, the food, and the good plates, and still ended up in the middle of it.

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There is a unique injustice to hosting an event where other people have a conflict, because somehow, by the end of the night, you are involved. You said nothing. You refilled drinks. You suggested, gently, that maybe this wasn’t the time. And now it’s ‘the time you took a side,’ and you didn’t even have a side, you had a casserole, and now the casserole dish is part of the story too.

II · On Inflation

Everything Costs More and No One Can Explain Why, Specifically

“It Was Cheaper Last Year”

A timeless complaint, freshly printed. Applies to literally everything, every year, forever.

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Prices go up. They do not come back down. Nobody can point to the exact mechanism, the exact day, or the exact reason — only that the number on the receipt is bigger than it was, and saying so out loud is now a recognized form of small talk.

III · On Big Promises

Something Was Supposed to Not Explode and It Exploded

“It Was Not Supposed to Do That”

For every product launch, group project, and home renovation that did, in fact, do that.

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Somewhere, something was promised to be reliable, sturdy, or simply incapable of doing the thing it just did. And then it did the thing. This shirt is for the moment right after — the silence, the slow blink, the realization that the warranty probably doesn’t cover this.

The Fake News Desk

Akron, Ohio · Attitude Adjustment Wire Service

MAN WHO “JUST WANTED TO MEDIATE” SIBLING DISPUTE NOW BANNED FROM BOTH SIDES’ GROUP CHATS

Akron resident Carl Esposito, 49, attempted to mediate a disagreement between his two adult children over a shared inheritance dispute last weekend, a process he described as “just trying to be the bigger person” and which his children separately described as “somehow making it worse.”

Esposito reportedly hosted a sit-down dinner intended to “clear the air,” which instead resulted in both siblings leaving early, and Esposito being removed from one child’s group chat by Tuesday and the other’s by Thursday.

“I didn’t take a side,” Esposito said. “I was very neutral. I think the issue is that being very neutral, very loudly, for three hours, at dinner, in front of everyone, was maybe… not as neutral as I thought it was in the moment.”

Esposito has been added to a new group chat, created specifically without him, titled “No Dad.”

— Attitude Adjustment Wire Service, which is not a real wire service

“I’m Staying Neutral (Loudly)”

For every well-meaning mediator who somehow ended up the main character of someone else’s argument.

Fake News Desk Drop → Shop Now

This Week Only  ·  Featured Shirts

OMAN20

20% off all shirts featured in this issue

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Expires Friday, June 5 at Noon MST.

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