Issue No. 25 - September 29, 2026
Speaking at the UN General Assembly last week, the President announced that the term “artificial intelligence” is being retired from all U.S. government documents, effective immediately, in favor of “super intelligence.”
“The use of the word artificial makes intelligence sound fake,” he explained to the assembled world leaders. “It is not fake. It's actually amazing. Welcome to the new world of superintelligence.”
An entire field of computer science, renamed by vibes, from a podium, over the span of one paragraph. It joins the Gulf of America and Lake America in a small but growing collection of things that were fine, actually, before this.
Headline Thread
INTELLIGENCE
Formerly known as Artificial Intelligence. Renamed at the UN, over the word “artificial” sounding fake. An entire scientific field, rebranded live, on a stage, with the confidence of someone renaming a smoothie flavor.
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The Fake News Desk
WHITE HOUSE STAFF ENTER FULL PANIC AFTER PRESIDENT ACCIDENTALLY SAYS SOMETHING TRUE
Confusion swept the White House press briefing room Tuesday after the President made a statement that three independent fact-checking organizations, working separately, were unable to find anything wrong with, marking what staff describe as the first confirmed accurate claim in recent memory.
“We checked it four times,” said one fact-checker, who asked to remain anonymous “for my own sanity.” “We kept waiting for the part that wasn't true. There wasn't one. We don't know what to do with this information.”
Press secretary staff reportedly spent the following ninety minutes in an emergency meeting, initially operating under the assumption it was a misprint, then a translation error, then possibly a decoy statement meant to distract from something else entirely. None of these theories panned out. The statement was simply, plainly, factually correct, and remains so as of press time.
The President has not commented on the incident. Aides say he seemed “mildly annoyed” that anyone noticed.
