Issue No. 24 - September 22, 2026
The President's proposed 250-foot “Great Triumphal Arch” at Memorial Circle, already facing a federal lawsuit from three Vietnam veterans and an architectural historian who say it would obstruct historic sightlines to Arlington National Cemetery, got a new justification this week: it's also going to be a military installation.
“Top grade Military Complex,” the President wrote in a Truth Social post, explaining that the facility would “house, store, and have the rapid ability to use large numbers of drones, plus Snipers, on both the roof and plaza areas,” along with, he added, “large quantities of sniper ammunition in storage.”
The arch was originally pitched as a monument to the nation's 250th anniversary. It is now, depending on which post you read most recently, also a monument, a tourist attraction, and a sniper nest. Veterans groups remain unimpressed on all three counts.
Headline Thread
MILITARY COMPLEX
A monument. A tourist attraction. A drone and sniper facility. All in one 250-foot structure, none of it in the original blueprints, all of it announced from a phone. We didn't design this arch. We just print the plot twists.
Unsolicited Opinions
The Fake News Desk
LOCAL MAN ACCIDENTALLY BECOMES A RUNNER AFTER CHECKING GAS PRICES, REFUSES TO CALL IT A LIFESTYLE CHANGE
Boise resident Trevor Kowalczyk, 36, has run 4.2 miles a day for the past two weeks, a habit he insists is not a fitness journey but a direct, involuntary response to gas prices, which he checked on his phone one morning and then simply never drove anywhere again.
“I'm not a runner. I want that on the record,” Kowalczyk said, mid-jog, visibly out of breath. “I ran to the store for milk. Then I ran to work. Now I just run everywhere, permanently, because filling up the tank felt like a personal attack.”
Kowalczyk has purchased running shoes, a reflective vest, and a water belt, none of which he considers evidence of a hobby. “These are gas-price-avoidance tools,” he clarified. “The second prices come down, I am done. I will get back in that car and I will never look at these shoes again.”
His coworkers report he has, unprompted, started using the phrase “leg day, every day,” a phrase he denies having said, despite three separate witnesses and a group chat screenshot.
