At a rally over the weekend, the President was asked directly whether he intends to seek a third term in 2028. He did not say no. He did not say yes, technically, either. What he said, verbatim, was that "a lot of people are asking for it" and that "we'll see what happens," which is the same answer you give a child asking for a second dessert when you have already decided the answer is yes and are simply enjoying the theater of being asked.
The 22nd Amendment, for those who have not thought about it since eighth-grade civics, exists specifically to prevent this conversation from happening. It is two sentences long. It has never been ambiguous. And yet here we are, watching cable news panels debate the legal mechanics of a hypothetical third term with the same seriousness usually reserved for actual open constitutional questions, because apparently a plain sentence in the founding document is now a "live debate" if enough people say it loudly enough on television.
Merchandise vendors, ever the fastest-moving branch of government, already have hats. Actual hats. For sale. Featuring a specific year that is currently prohibited by the Constitution from being anyone's inauguration. We would like to be surprised by this. We are not surprised by this.
Meanwhile, the actual news — inflation numbers, the reopened Strait of Hormuz, a Congress that has not passed a budget on time since most of you started reading this newsletter — continues to happen in the background, waiting patiently for anyone to notice it's still there.
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An hourglass that already ran out, still somehow running. For anyone who has watched a "constitutional limit" get discussed as a negotiating position. Two terms was never a suggestion. Somebody should mention that.
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The Fake News Desk
LOCAL GUN CLUB EXPANDS SECOND AMENDMENT PLATFORM TO INCLUDE, SPECIFICALLY AND ONLY, BEARS
The Bitterroot Valley Sportsmen's Association voted unanimously this week to amend its charter to explicitly recognize "the right of the people to keep and bear bears," a clause club president Wade Hollenbeck says has been "misinterpreted for two hundred and thirty-some years by people who just weren't reading it literally enough."
"It's right there in the name," Hollenbeck said, gesturing at a printed copy of the Second Amendment that he keeps laminated in his truck for exactly this purpose. "Keep and bear. Bear is right there. We're not rewriting anything. We're just finally taking the founders at their word."
The club has not yet acquired any bears, citing "permitting issues" and "several very reasonable concerns raised by Wade's wife." A proposed bylaw requiring members to arm their bears "in case the bears also need to defend the Second Amendment" was tabled pending further legal review.
Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks has declined to comment, though a spokesperson was overheard describing the club's charter amendment as "not our jurisdiction, thank god."
