On June 12, SpaceX went public in the largest IPO in recorded history, raising $75 billion and valuing the company at $1.77 trillion. The move made Elon Musk, officially, the world’s first trillionaire. We want to give you a moment with that number. One trillion dollars. One thousand billion dollars. More money than the GDP of most countries, held by one person, who also owns a social media company, a car company, a tunneling company, a brain-chip company, and, until recently, a significant portion of the federal government’s headcount. We are not saying this is a lot. We are saying this is — clinically, measurably, historically — a lot.
Also on June 12: the FIFA World Cup kicked off in North America, with 48 teams and 16 host cities across the U.S., Canada, and Mexico. The same day Musk became a trillionaire, Germany beat Curaçao 7-1 in Berlin while a composer performed a live musical score on the sideline, because the World Cup is, fundamentally, an art installation with a scoreboard.
Meanwhile, on June 9, a U.S. Army Apache helicopter crashed near the Strait of Hormuz — the same Strait that has been the backdrop of this entire newsletter since April — and the U.S. launched “self-defense” missile strikes into Iran in response. Trump simultaneously claimed he was “in the final throes” of a peace deal. The war that was supposed to end in two weeks is now in its fifteenth week. The Strait remains open. Mostly.
Headline Thread
The phrase the President used to describe a war that has been in its “final throes” for approximately three months. Pairs well with any project you’ve been almost done with for longer than seems reasonable.
Unsolicited Opinions
The Fake News Desk
WOMAN WHO BOUGHT WORKOUT CLOTHES IN JANUARY WEARING THEM TO GROCERY STORE IN JUNE, CONSIDERS GOALS MET
Naperville resident Dana Kowalczyk, 38, announced this week that she considers her New Year’s fitness resolution “technically fulfilled” after wearing the athletic leggings and moisture-wicking top she purchased in January to the Whole Foods on Route 59 every Saturday for the past six months.
“I said I’d get into shape and wear workout clothes more,” Kowalczyk told reporters in the parking lot, adding a bag of kettle chips to her cart. “I’m wearing them right now. Two for two.”
Kowalczyk noted the leggings have “held up remarkably well” given that they have never been subjected to a workout. She attributes their longevity to “proper storage” and “very minimal stress on the fabric.” Her fitness tracker, purchased alongside the clothes, has been used exclusively to check the time.
“The important thing is the intention,” Kowalczyk said. “And the intention is very much there.” She has already begun researching new workout clothes for next January, citing the current set as “getting a little worn.”
