{"product_id":"theyre-not-contrails-garment-dyed-hoodie-attitudeshirts","title":"They're Not Contrails | Garment-Dyed Hoodie — AttitudeShirts","description":"Look up at the sky. If you honestly think those massive, grid-like white streaks are just standard passenger plane exhaust, we have a beautiful bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. The “They're Not Contrails” tee is meticulously crafted for the vigilant truth-seekers who instantly recognize the government’s sloppy handwriting scratched directly across the ozone. Put it on, step outside, and watch the matrix-dwelling NPCs down your street squirm with cognitive dissonance.\n\nWhy customers love it:\n* Elite conspiracy theory humor that triggers immediate parking lot conversations\n* High-contrast, sharp sky-grid graphics that look beautifully rebellious\n* Premium fabric designed to withstand heavy weathering and geoengineering elements\n* The perfect gift for your favorite tinfoil-adjacent family researcher\n\nPerfect for: Sky watchers • Conspiracy realists • Anti-establishment statement wear • Woke streetwear culture\n\nBecause the atmosphere is beautiful — especially when it's full of unclassified minerals.","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":51822466662696,"sku":"54161269007462685268","price":67.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ M","offer_id":51850087792936,"sku":"10840317188723025760","price":67.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ L","offer_id":51850087825704,"sku":"15419670919362555256","price":67.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ XL","offer_id":51850087858472,"sku":"21811086321691969408","price":67.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":51850087891240,"sku":"31011759876158568205","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":51850087924008,"sku":"10223176498068512104","price":91.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0985\/5248\/0040\/files\/10736830684312780897_2048.jpg?v=1779560267","url":"https:\/\/www.attitudeshirts.com\/products\/theyre-not-contrails-garment-dyed-hoodie-attitudeshirts","provider":"Attitude Shirts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}