{"product_id":"theyre-not-contrails-dad-hat-attitudeshirts","title":"They're Not Contrails | Dad Hat — AttitudeShirts","description":"Look up at the sky. If you honestly think those massive, grid-like white streaks are just standard passenger plane exhaust, we have a beautiful bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. The “They're Not Contrails” tee is meticulously crafted for the vigilant truth-seekers who instantly recognize the government’s sloppy handwriting scratched directly across the ozone. Put it on, step outside, and watch the matrix-dwelling NPCs down your street squirm with cognitive dissonance.\n\nWhy customers love it:\n* Elite conspiracy theory humor that triggers immediate parking lot conversations\n* High-contrast, sharp sky-grid graphics that look beautifully rebellious\n* Premium fabric designed to withstand heavy weathering and geoengineering elements\n* The perfect gift for your favorite tinfoil-adjacent family researcher\n\nPerfect for: Sky watchers • Conspiracy realists • Anti-establishment statement wear • Woke streetwear culture\n\nBecause the atmosphere is beautiful — especially when it's full of unclassified minerals.","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ One size","offer_id":51822797259048,"sku":"11322591726670474945","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Olive \/ One size","offer_id":51822797291816,"sku":"33677947593740737865","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0985\/5248\/0040\/files\/17938976753203671097_2048.jpg?v=1779568688","url":"https:\/\/www.attitudeshirts.com\/products\/theyre-not-contrails-dad-hat-attitudeshirts","provider":"Attitude Shirts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}