{"product_id":"irony-free-unisex-garment-dyed-tee","title":"\"Irony Free\" Unisex Garment-Dyed Tee","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e4XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \u003c\/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Width, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 18.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 20.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 22.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 24.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 26.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 27.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 26.62 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.37 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.62 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 33.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Sleeve length from center back, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 16.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 17.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 19.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 20.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 21.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 23.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 24.63 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Size tolerance, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n You've always suspected the universe had a personal vendetta against you in the form of irony. Well, not anymore. Some people accept life's contradictions with grace — you prefer to legislate them out of existence. This one's for the person who looked at the chaos of the modern world and decided the correct response was to issue a formal decree about it. \n Executive Order No. 9999-LOL is printed in bold official document style, complete with a gritty aged parchment aesthetic that screams \"this is serious government business\" — which is exactly what makes it hilarious. The order reads: \"By the authority vested in me, I hereby declare myself legally and permanently exempt from irony in all its forms, effective immediately.\" Stamped with a presidential seal and a bold red \"SIGNED \u0026amp; SEALED\" across the bottom, this design commits fully to the bit. It's bureaucratic absurdity at its finest — weaponized self-importance turned into a punchline that lands every single time. \n Why people love it: \n\n\n Deadpan Perfection: The joke doesn't wink at you — it stares you down in full official document formatting, which is exactly why it's so funny. \n\n Vintage Grit: A distressed parchment look and aged typography give this the aesthetic authority of a real historical proclamation — one that just happens to be completely absurd. \n\n Self-Aware Genius: Issuing an executive order to escape irony is, itself, deeply ironic — and the design knows it, and doesn't care one bit. \n\n Universal Relatability: Anyone who's ever had a plan spectacularly backfire, or watched karma do its thing, has mentally written this exact document at some point. \n\n Conversation Starter: People will stop, read the whole thing, laugh out loud, and immediately ask where to get one — it demands to be noticed and discussed. \n\n\n Perfect for: political humor fans • sarcasm connoisseurs • gift for the self-proclaimed boss • anyone who takes themselves hilariously seriously \n Because the first step to being exempt from irony is loudly announcing it to everyone around you. \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe fabric:\u003c\/strong\u003e Comfort Colors 1717 — 100% ring-spun cotton, garment-dyed for a soft, lived-in feel that gets better with every wash. Relaxed unisex fit. 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Jean","offer_id":67939886760232,"sku":"20369064039009620048","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Ivory","offer_id":67939886793000,"sku":"11963871806541903643","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Moss","offer_id":67939886825768,"sku":"78050332642257715841","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Mustard","offer_id":67939886858536,"sku":"19266544722241139709","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Terracotta","offer_id":67939886891304,"sku":"14036463056168044997","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Red","offer_id":67939886924072,"sku":"20597587945190976435","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":67939886956840,"sku":"32814038705046504175","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Island Reef","offer_id":67939886989608,"sku":"22049807337257287608","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Blue Jean","offer_id":67939887022376,"sku":"99129544224267766240","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Ivory","offer_id":67939887055144,"sku":"32518940814945208202","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Moss","offer_id":67939887087912,"sku":"25655076378547009821","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Mustard","offer_id":67939887120680,"sku":"23359402104957620438","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Terracotta","offer_id":67939887153448,"sku":"32106836448278188071","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Blue Jean","offer_id":67939887186216,"sku":"52587678474031816934","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Island 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