{"product_id":"escorts-garment-dyed-hoodie","title":"\"Escorts\" Garment-Dyed Hoodie","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \u003c\/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Width, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 21.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 23.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 25.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 26.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 27.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Sleeve length from center back, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 33.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 35.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 36.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 38.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 39.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n Some guys do the math and realize the traditional route comes with a mortgage, a minivan, and a lifetime of 'we need to talk.' This design is for the man who prefers his arrangements transparent, his exits clean, and his accountant unbothered. Bold, blunt, and completely unapologetic — just the way you like it.\nThe design hits hard with the word ESCORTS blazing across the top in commanding serif type, followed by the knockout tagline: Cheaper Than a Wife and You Get Some. It's the kind of financial logic they don't teach in business school but absolutely should. Dark humor, zero filter, maximum personality — this is a statement piece in every sense of the phrase.\n\nWhy people love it:\n\n\nZero Subtlety: This design walks into the room first and introduces itself — no one misses the message.\n\nBachelor Wisdom: It weaponizes the logic of a man who has done the cost-benefit analysis and come out ahead.\n\nSerif Power: The bold, classical typeface gives the joke a deadpan gravitas that makes it hit even harder.\n\nConversation Starter: Expect stares, double-takes, and at least three strangers buying you a drink.\n\nUnapologetic Energy: Built for the guy who stopped caring what anyone thinks approximately one divorce ago.\n\n\nPerfect for: bachelor parties • divorce parties • guy's night out • anyone who appreciates brutally honest math Because nothing says 'I've run the numbers' quite like putting it on display for the whole world to see.\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe fabric:\u003c\/strong\u003e Comfort Colors 1567 garment-dyed hoodie — 80\/20 cotton-polyester blend, enzyme-washed for a soft broken-in feel from day one. Features a full back graphic print. Available in sizes S–3XL.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Crimson \/ S","offer_id":52206417936680,"sku":"23666197201972941343","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ S","offer_id":52206417969448,"sku":"13785059189521693665","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":52206418002216,"sku":"27646491157099861471","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ S","offer_id":52206418034984,"sku":"92551058043518263845","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ S","offer_id":52206418067752,"sku":"22429805968234569164","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Navy \/ S","offer_id":52206418100520,"sku":"36090878423508110839","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":52206418133288,"sku":"32311890307428599393","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Crimson \/ M","offer_id":52206418166056,"sku":"98414242065015253371","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Denim \/ M","offer_id":52206418198824,"sku":"12960623249529628361","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ M","offer_id":52206418231592,"sku":"23104272730859120726","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ M","offer_id":52206418264360,"sku":"74683319275307973720","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ M","offer_id":52206418297128,"sku":"11726456265701949225","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ M","offer_id":52206418329896,"sku":"69215858272489308921","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Navy \/ M","offer_id":52206418362664,"sku":"21680351565929157589","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":52206418395432,"sku":"21335817847675120708","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Crimson \/ L","offer_id":52206418428200,"sku":"20008340951407793090","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Denim \/ L","offer_id":52206418460968,"sku":"32147901714047005483","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ L","offer_id":52206418493736,"sku":"31043142350070711904","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ L","offer_id":52206418526504,"sku":"56338102571582953913","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ L","offer_id":52206418559272,"sku":"90916127157060555194","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Navy \/ L","offer_id":52206418592040,"sku":"15354465737761857139","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":52206418624808,"sku":"16300799997686396380","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Crimson \/ XL","offer_id":52206418657576,"sku":"40597659171787560090","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Denim \/ XL","offer_id":52206418690344,"sku":"22493345275917187780","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ XL","offer_id":52206418723112,"sku":"13469592313459191171","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ XL","offer_id":52206418755880,"sku":"13483852764142133521","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ XL","offer_id":52206418788648,"sku":"11849121833832025852","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ XL","offer_id":52206418821416,"sku":"25630184187352694560","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Navy \/ XL","offer_id":52206418854184,"sku":"29183466018950118151","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":52206418886952,"sku":"14570866993505208434","price":74.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Denim \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206418919720,"sku":"91812630034294530572","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206418952488,"sku":"16111229168928557094","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206418985256,"sku":"20171204029611665190","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206419018024,"sku":"16479770077645699838","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206419050792,"sku":"16978547987753636057","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206419083560,"sku":"31789743982932979418","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":52206419116328,"sku":"11072952266936931533","price":87.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Crimson \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419149096,"sku":"29223758442488589861","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419181864,"sku":"33538804748328824623","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419214632,"sku":"19887554678883187781","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pepper \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419247400,"sku":"13058965392612900852","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419280168,"sku":"27772920008721184249","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419312936,"sku":"58191276765821876549","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":52206419345704,"sku":"77508878743181588320","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0985\/5248\/0040\/files\/11135230542129469969_2048.jpg?v=1786150011","url":"https:\/\/www.attitudeshirts.com\/products\/escorts-garment-dyed-hoodie","provider":"Attitude Shirts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}